Published August 22, 2017 at 10:59 am
Many parents across the land are currently in a state of flux as universities are making offers to our young people! Decisions need to be made about university places, accommodation and finances causing confusion and anx to many.
I remember the feeling well, it’s a little like when they go off to scout camp or a school residential although, this time they may never come back……………for, good that is!
It is a very unnerving time for us as parents as we are the ones left behind, so to speak! We ask ourselves allsorts questions like: will they come home? Will they still remember us? Will they call home every day?
All of the above are very ‘normal’ questions however, what we need to remember is that they too are having to make massive adjustments. Yes, they are excited about the prospects ahead of them, they are also concerned about the fact that they will need to stand on their own two feet. And, above all they won’t want to let anyone down!
With this in mind it is important to balance our anxieties with theirs!
Just because they are having conversations with their friends via all social media connections about this very subject it doesn’t mean that deep down there isn’t any reserve! They too, will be asking all the same questions and, like you, they won’t have any answers.
I remember thinking ‘who will check if he’s in at night?’ This is a normal response I now realise to my feelings ……………..I wasn’t in control anymore and I didn’t like it one bit!
What I didn’t realise though, is that they must have felt exactly the same but for different reasons.
So, given all the above, how can we get through this transition?
We can start by being honest with our young people about how we feel! What!!!!! “I hear you say”
Honesty, is defiantly the best policy here, if you’re honest they will be too and this is where the mutual support will flow! Its okay to tell them you will miss them like mad, remember, they will miss you too! They will ‘just’ be a little busier…………….remember, their life will change out of all recognition, yours won’t!
However, this honesty needs to be balanced as we don’t want either side feeling guilty about the other, that wouldn’t be helpful at all.
Remember, this life stage is perfectly normal (as was the stage when you first bought them home in a blanket) and the anxiety and sadness will pass!
When my eldest Son went to University and called for the first time sounding excited, happy and content, I remembered feeling slightly put out that he didn’t appear to be missing me. Later a dear friend reminded me that I had indeed done my job………………..in preparing him for independence!
Something …………….I have never forgotten.